Silence

I have sat in silence stewing over with things for the past few days so I need to let them out now. I don't know whats happening but I dont appreciate feeling like a cast away. Don't start something you don't intend on finishing. Don't complain about something that you could fix if you could be bothered. Don't hide away for no reason...not the best feeling to experience...

So yes, I'm going to sit here in silence and continue to think about everything...

Yes...you heard me...

I would shout it off of a rooftop if I wasn't afraid of heights....

I LOVE YOU

I would write it all over town if the cops wouldn't catch me...

I LOVE YOU

I would hold you close and never let go if love was the only thing we needed to survive...because...

I LOVE YOU!!!

just thought I migh write it here because its driving me insane not letting it out...

Take my breathe away

All wounds take time to heal. Its funny how when left with our own thoughts for long enough, a wound can begin to seep. I woke up this morning with a chris brown song in my head and all day I have been thinking about past emotions attatched to that song. As much as that song hurts me, I long to listen to it. It's almost like I want to think about the memories, so that I can be thankful for what I have now. I have had a couple day dreams today about red roses...maybe I'm going to recieve one soon, who knows. Im thinking that right now in this state of mind, would be the perfect time for a slow dance. Come find me, take my breathe away....

Thankyou

Its not very often people take the time to say thankyou. We may appreciate things or people in life but never really say it when it truly means the world to some people. I want to thank life in general for the things I love about my life.

Thankyou for giving me a loving bunch of family and friends with whom I can share some of the fondest memories. Thankyou for the ability to love unconditionally and persevere through some of life hardest challenges with love as one of my main inspirations. Thankyou for the determination and will power to become a better person, to never give up on the fight no matter how hard it may seem at times and thankyou for putting people in my life that I love and adore. Without them, the world would not be as pleasant.

Hugs and Kisses

Smile!

OK...So I'm at my "happy place" now so sorry everyone for my raging last night :( i'll try to refrain from catching up on a weeks worth of posts and such negative ones...but I needed to vent :( love and hugs xx

ME! deal with it.

I AM ME.

I LOVE :

 - Dancing, singing and kissing in the rain

 - Believing in myself when no one else does

 - The thought of being happy

 - Making dreams come true

I HATE:

 - People who's aim in life is to piss people off and hurt them because they find it amusing.

 - People who walk over you because they know your too weak to say anything.

 - People that think they can get away with making people feel like death would be more appealing.

PET HATES ARE:

 - People engaging in comversations, using conversation closers constantly.

 - People calling me short.

 - People having stabs at others than laughing it off as if it was a joke. Don't say it if that be the case.

 - People correcting my typos. Yes I stuff up like most people do but dont be so damn picky >__<

 - Talking about my personal life with people I don't feel comfortable with or that make me feel awkward.

 - Being yelled at. Talk. If you can't do that then don't bother trying to talk to me.

I could keep writing more, but this will do for now...I needed to vent and thats 3 posts to make up for 4ish that I havent posted. Im now searching for love in my doona...night all

mixed ramble cont.

ugh. I want to vent so im going to do it here. I just want to rage. Someone starts an argument then leaves before we can finish it. Im so angry it reducing me to tears of frustration. Oh for the love of cyberspace. Im sick of feeling like everyone else overpowers my emotions and controls them. This is ridiculous. I shouldn't be the one crying. I was so happy at the start of today...counting down to go see the one person who makes my day...now that buzz has been replaced with the urge to punch something. I can't believe I gave up punching walls a while back. If i was still doing that I would of done so alot of times lately. That or someones face. I have had the urge to kill some people lately...I shouldn't have to get so angry and vent like this. Another thing that bugs me is that people think they can walk over me and treat me like a slave. Go find a doormat to walk over, I'm not in the mood. I could keep writing here but enough about this rant stuff...I think I might post a list....these posts are definately making up for not posting lately... 

mixed ramble

OK...first of all my laptop battery killed itself tuesday and im waiting for a new one to arrive. I have also been busy trying to sort stuff out so I haven't had time to post. Right now...I just want to crawl up in bed and cry. I have never met someone so negative, so fired up in my life. I don't exist to have to put up with blame thrown in my face when I only try love love and help people. Right now im wondering what the hell is going on and if i should throw on my hard bitchy exterior and pretend im ok with it all or whether I just take it. But all I can say is that felt like a punch in the face. I'm not here to be yelled at ffs. I'm not here to be belittled or made fun of. Im here to be treated with respect and be treated like any other human being. Is that so bloody hard to understand or do I need t spell it out.... I....DONT....NEED....THIS....SHIT.

Stupid Rain

Why does it have to rain so much! Rain is great to sleep to, it great to calm you down after a stressful day, but during the day, it annoys the hell out of me. It's pissing down rain, and I have to go out. I can hardly keep my eyes open. I Feel like a zombie in pain...Right now I could just crawl back into bed and rock back and forth. Officially hating the rain right now.

Retail Therapy

So...Today was filled with plenty to do. This morning Dad and I went to the plaza to get some necessary clothes etc, Then I met up with the lovely Krista for a yummy chiller at Zaraffas. Krista couldn't help herself. With her tax money in her pocket, she had money to burn. After many accessories and some new killer clothing, we both had fun shopping along the way and talking. I bought a pair of tight (my only must have item in my wardrobe) and two new tank tops in more crazy colours (one day I will have one of every colour and style I swear haha) Then Krista spoilt me with a "Hug Me" panda hoodie! since my nickname is panda, Im wearing it proudly ^_^ So now I'm about to go out and hopefully this headache starts to ease....peace all!

The Lyrics In My Heart

The lyrics in my heart sing

Of sweet love and sorrow

None more than the lyrics

That no one can borrow

My heart sings of a love

That not many have found

But once you've felt it, You then hear it

It is the worlds sweetest sound

Thought I may as well write the poem i have been starting to write down, may add more to it soon, depending on how I go with the next few days, but I thought I might list some of my favourite quotes to warm the cockles of your heart or make you think...they are listed below:

 "Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”

"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.”

 "He took the bride about the neck and kissed her lips with such a glamorous smack that at the parting all the church did echo."

"It is the passion that is in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness; it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it."

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

"She walks in Beauty, like the night,Of cloudness climes and starry skies, And all that's best of dark and bright, Meet in her aspect and her eyes..."

"I love you, not only for what you are, But for what I am when I am with you."

"Sometimes your nearness takes my breath away; and all the things I want to say can find no voice. Then, in silence, I can only hope my eyes will speak my heart."

"Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love."

there are some simple yet great quotes, that I like to read from time to time...

Light at the end of the tunnel...

Ok, so my net hasn't been the best lately, so I haven't been blogging as much, and I have had my mind on other things all day everyday it seems, but now im blogging. I have been getting frustrated, upset, angry, positive, severely emotional etc. over stuff that I have been trying to achieve but keep hitting a brick wall. I have made so many phone calls today....out of the 6 phone calls I made...only 2 of them were somewhat helpful. But I refuse to be negative about it. Just when I thought I had got all the information I was going to get form people, someone actually returned my phone call! and wait for it...gave me somewhat good news! now I just have to organise the hardest part of it all...and I might be getting somewhere...ugh I hate getting nowhere no matter how hard you try...so fingers crossed that something works out, after all this ringing around, applying for information etc. I am choosing to see that there will be light at the end of this tunnel...

This is me

This is me. I cannot and will not change to suit others because that would make me fake. I live to give my life a purpose. I have big dreams and like anyone else who has them, I want them to come true. I choose to put a smile on my face even though inside im holding back tears. I choose to be one of the only people I talk to about it because I seem to be the only one who has ideas towards a solution. Im my own guide in life. Right now im going through one of the biggest life changes I think I'll ever go through and I'm trying to take it as it comes but there is so much to consider. I don't just want to lose sight of what I want to do in life..but it's hard to get anywhere in life as far as careers go etc when the economy is lame, and once you have a qualification, your forever looking for new work, even though the area you want to work in is crying out for help. Not going to give up though...hopefully this next opportunity changes my life for the better. I have decided that the past 3 major things ive done in my life, have affected me, stopped me form getting where I want to be. Which is why as of today, I'm going to make steps in life that will benefit me, whether the people around me suppport it, or approve of it, if I don't start making plans in my life i'm not going to get anywhere. The next 3 major things I do in my life, are going to make me proud of myself again.

Come Now My Darkling (expressive piece)

There are times where I wake up and feel like I need to write. Sometimes I have a thought in my head so strong that when I finally write it down, I write with a strong message behind it. Sometimes too dark, Sometimes too derranged, but this poem titled "Come Now My Darkling" was written a couple of months ago when I felt there was no other way to express myself.

Come seek me in the darkness

Where pain is my best friend

I shall walk with you in the darkness

And deliver you to the end

You will feel no pain with me

But you shall feel fear

For death is beyond these shadows

Your time is nearly here

When you walk along the path

That's been handed down to you

Remember my lil darkling

There's much for you to do

You shall deliver people a choice

And offer them to sign

Their life is now in your hands

As they sign the dotted line

They now hand their pain to you

It now rests upon your limbs

This is your job now darkling

To take their suffering

Come play with me in darkness

I can't do my job alone

I'm just thy fallen angel of fate

Their pain rests upon my bones

I take upon their worries

And try to ease their pain

But once again it's all on me

No one to share their blame

So please I ask you this

Upon this starry night

Come walk with me in darkness

Take my hand and lead me into the light

It's now your role, my darkling

To take the world upon your limbs

To feel the pain as your own

And carry others' sins

I wish the best for you now darkling

Remember this one thing now

The pain you take on here

Leaves you when it's your time to disappear

Because Of You

Some people go their whole lives without ever having known someone that makes them feel the way I do about you. You can make me laugh about the silliest of things, i'm always smiling when  i'm around you, and you make me feel safe and secure. Not a day has gone by that I wish i hadn't met you and that day will never come. I wake up in the morning and your the first thing I think about. During the day you cross my mind more than anything else. I go to bed in hopes of  being with you again soon. There are many things I love about you, that I cant stand in others. I know that sounds hard to believe, but me still being around is proof of that. I have tried to imagine things differently but i can't. Im glad i met you, and you have made me feel special in ways no one else can. There are so many things I love about you. I love your eyes, the way i can stare into them for hours and want to do nothing else. I love the way you sing to me, your soft voice, brings sweet sound to my ears. Your not one for many words, but who thought someone as talkative as me could love someone so quiet. I love the way you cuddle me, make me feel like im special enough to recieve such warmth. I love the way that just one kiss has me speechless. I love the way you make me feel as a person. With you I can be myself and I dont want it any other way. Because of you, I have come through some pretty rough times, I wouldnt have gotten through alone. I'm writing this, because it's not everyday someone tells you these things, and you deserve to be recognised for making me happpy, and for bringing a new purpose to my life. I love you.

Ps. If it weren't for my sister Krista, i would have never got my courage up to finally create a blog. My deepest thoughts, May not always be understandable, but it is a way of realising how one truly feels.